I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
