So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
