Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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