Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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