New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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