Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize