I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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