i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
