Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
