Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
