New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
