now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
