I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
