I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
