sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
