Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
smell my finger.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
