Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
