Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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