tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its not stalking. its research.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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