i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I see more hoeing in ur future
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
