I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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