ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
