Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
