my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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