Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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