I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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