you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
