She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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