I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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