Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
