so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
