Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My dick has a subreddit
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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