In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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