I got chris browned last night
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
