He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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