walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
