I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
