It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
