I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
