So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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