pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
