my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
