We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
