She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
