You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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