last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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