Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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