Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
