Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
