I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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