Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
