Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
