If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
