i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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