Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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