just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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