so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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