im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
