Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
