Im at strip club and am horny
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
