Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
