That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
