Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we made out on top of his cat.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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