You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
