He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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