Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
ugly people sure do ruin things
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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