Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
soo... how was my night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
