wanna go halves on a baby?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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