If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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