the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
