my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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