I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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