The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
