dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
