So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
