Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
