Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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