She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
