i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
