did you get engaged???
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
