I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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